The Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by R!f@@, Oct 8, 2011.

  1. MaxHeadRoom

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    You should see what I can do with five loaves and seven fishes!:p
    Max.
     
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  2. cmartinez

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    Untitled.png
     
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  3. spinnaker

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    This does sound like a typical apology from public figures.

    Something like.

    "I am sorry if I offended anyone".

    Sorry that is not an apology. You are putting the blame on others.

    A proper apology.

    "I now realize what I said/did could be consider offensive. I am ashamed and humbly ask for your forgiveness."
     
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  4. MaxHeadRoom

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    Sounds like the 'Airing of Grievances' (re Festivus).
    Max.
     
  5. killivolt

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    Me too! In times past I might be viewed the same.


    kv :rolleyes:
     
  6. Hymie

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    My wife asked why I was speaking into an open envelope?

    I replied that I was sending a voice message.
     
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  7. killivolt

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    I stole that last night my wife is watching TV, when I got up to get ice for my drink, I grabbed an envelope addressed it with her name, from me same address.

    When I sat down on the bed I opened the envelope as she watched and said I love you in the envelope naturally she asked what I was doing, I sealed it while handing it to her I said I'm sending you voice mail, she laughed till she cried.

    Apparently I've been so stressed repairing my house projects everywhere, and work moving to a new dept e.g. new assignments adjusting to new people, etc.

    She said, now that's the kv I've been missing, you've been to serious for at least 3 months.

    Thanks, @Hymie

    kv

    Edit: I had a older guy from Peru "Hymie" who moved to Utah, I worked in an Electronics Dept for another company. He was a good friend always happy, one day I asked him how he was in spanish, he said "Fresca como la lechuga" = Fresh as lettuce. I've never forgotten that greeting.
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2019
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  8. Hymie

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    Glad to could make use of the joke - to good effect
    Hymie
     
  9. bertus

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    Want an anti stress enter button?

    Anti stress enter button.png
     
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  10. absf

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    Was this posted before?


    Wife: listen, shall we go to the circus ?

    Husband : No......... I m busy..

    Wife : it seems there's a girl riding on a lion without clothes ...!!!!!

    Husband : you have become very stubborn .... in everything you want to be stubborn .....
    okay ..let's go ..anyway i've not seen a lion for a long time ....!!!!!

    The rest of the story ...

    Husband & wife went to the circus. Husband even bought front row seats ...

    Lion show started ....and also got over ...but no girl without clothes. Soon, the entire Circus show was over...

    Husband : you told me there is a show where a girl comes without clothes?

    Wife : i said a lion without clothes, not girl ........

    I swear you will read it again..
     
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  11. atferrari

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    Twice
     
  12. cmartinez

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    Thrice! :D
     
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  13. joeyd999

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    [​IMG]
     
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  14. joeyd999

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  15. joeyd999

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  16. joeyd999

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  17. spinnaker

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    In what month of the year do women talk the least?

    February
     
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  18. cmartinez

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  19. shortbus

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    Trump is down at the boarder and one SSA is really close to him walking around looking at things. About that time the is a loud bang from the other side of the Rio Grande.

    The SSA yells out, "Mickey Mouse!!!!" And other agents come running. Ends up the bang was a car backfire, and all was good.

    Trump personally wanted to thank the agent that yelled so he took him aside to do it personally. Trump thanked him and asked,"why did you yell Mickey Mouse?"

    The agent replied, "well the bang scared me so bad that I got confused and couldn't think to say, "Donald duck"".
     
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  20. MaxHeadRoom

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    Talk about predictions!
    If only old George were here now!

    upload_2019-1-15_14-53-9.png
     
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