I am putting a personal issue out here in hopes that some of you older and wiser fellows can give this young buck some advice. I know with all the like minds out here, there has to be somebody who can relate and "been there, done that". so, here it goes:
(I'm 26, my wife is 21, we have 1 kid and one more on the way)
I watched a documentary about Edison a while back and I can't stop thinking about what they said about his first wife: "She was young, immature, and ill equipped to be the wife of one of the world's most famous inventors".
I would never be so vain as to compare myself to Edison, but I do fancy myself as being an "inventor" - more accurately a "tinkerer" at the moment (since I haven't actually invented anything marketable) - but I don't really like that term. I work about 60hrs/week and when I'm not at work, my wife expects me to be spending my time with her; which is understandable, that's what husbands are supposed to do. I can tell (though she won't say it) that in her mind she thinks that anything I do in the garage or on the computer, related to any project of mine, is just to get a "break" from her. She is semi-understanding, and does tolerate a little bit of time spent on my projects; I have found through trial and error that about an hour per day is the unspoken time limit I have, until she starts putting on the pouty face. This is simply not enough time for me. I'm scatterbrained & by the time I get my thoughts in order and caught up from where I left off, my time is almost up.
See, when I am doing a project, I am learning; I am building skills that I hope one day will pay the bills. I feel I'm trying desperately to pull myself out of slave labor. I fancy that one day I will design something in my garage that will let me give my family a better life. I tried explaining this to her a couple of months ago, and the unintended result was that she drew the conclusion that "She is holding me back from accomplishing my goals and killing my aspiration and it would be better if she just went away."
I tried getting her involved in my projects, teaching her what I know about electronics & mechanics, but she has absolutely no interest in it, and has declined every offer.
I have tried ignoring her "unspoken time limit" and found that its more trouble than its worth. The amount of time I have to spend making up for it is more than the amount of time I spent on my project in the first place.
I would like to go to college and get an engineering degree, but that would require me to reduce my work load, and then I couldn't pay the bills. My wife has no marketable skills, so if she went to work (after the baby is born), the minimum wage job that she would most likey land would barely pay for daycare, so pretty pointless.
I would like to send her to college, so we can get a 2nd decent income in the house, allowing me to slow down and go to college, but then we go back to the day care thing, +tuition.
It seems I have to choose between being a good father/husband and struggling my whole life, working until I die, and always feeling that "I could have done better in life" - or - being a father/husband who's never around, apparently loves work (and the garage) more than home/family and lives a more comfortable life.
So, what's the solution? How can I live a fulfilling life and still make time for my family? Am I being selfish? Am I being a jackass? Please, say whatever is on your mind (really, anything); I won't hold any grudges(promise).
(I'm 26, my wife is 21, we have 1 kid and one more on the way)
I watched a documentary about Edison a while back and I can't stop thinking about what they said about his first wife: "She was young, immature, and ill equipped to be the wife of one of the world's most famous inventors".
I would never be so vain as to compare myself to Edison, but I do fancy myself as being an "inventor" - more accurately a "tinkerer" at the moment (since I haven't actually invented anything marketable) - but I don't really like that term. I work about 60hrs/week and when I'm not at work, my wife expects me to be spending my time with her; which is understandable, that's what husbands are supposed to do. I can tell (though she won't say it) that in her mind she thinks that anything I do in the garage or on the computer, related to any project of mine, is just to get a "break" from her. She is semi-understanding, and does tolerate a little bit of time spent on my projects; I have found through trial and error that about an hour per day is the unspoken time limit I have, until she starts putting on the pouty face. This is simply not enough time for me. I'm scatterbrained & by the time I get my thoughts in order and caught up from where I left off, my time is almost up.
See, when I am doing a project, I am learning; I am building skills that I hope one day will pay the bills. I feel I'm trying desperately to pull myself out of slave labor. I fancy that one day I will design something in my garage that will let me give my family a better life. I tried explaining this to her a couple of months ago, and the unintended result was that she drew the conclusion that "She is holding me back from accomplishing my goals and killing my aspiration and it would be better if she just went away."
I tried getting her involved in my projects, teaching her what I know about electronics & mechanics, but she has absolutely no interest in it, and has declined every offer.
I have tried ignoring her "unspoken time limit" and found that its more trouble than its worth. The amount of time I have to spend making up for it is more than the amount of time I spent on my project in the first place.
I would like to go to college and get an engineering degree, but that would require me to reduce my work load, and then I couldn't pay the bills. My wife has no marketable skills, so if she went to work (after the baby is born), the minimum wage job that she would most likey land would barely pay for daycare, so pretty pointless.
I would like to send her to college, so we can get a 2nd decent income in the house, allowing me to slow down and go to college, but then we go back to the day care thing, +tuition.
It seems I have to choose between being a good father/husband and struggling my whole life, working until I die, and always feeling that "I could have done better in life" - or - being a father/husband who's never around, apparently loves work (and the garage) more than home/family and lives a more comfortable life.
So, what's the solution? How can I live a fulfilling life and still make time for my family? Am I being selfish? Am I being a jackass? Please, say whatever is on your mind (really, anything); I won't hold any grudges(promise).