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If posted in Off-Topic, you need to add that the discussion will either degenerate to a discussion of
- energy efficiency and then global warming, or
- light bulbs as targets and then guns / gun control.
The Jokes thread
- Thread starter R!f@@
- Start date
If posted in Off-Topic, you need to add that the discussion will either degenerate to a discussion of
- energy efficiency and then global warming, or
- light bulbs as targets and then guns / gun control.
you forgot the problem of light bulb immigration...
And a discussion of why the standard incandescent light bulb is the international symbol for "idea" and "innovation" when it is a 100-year old object.
C vs. .asm
Here's an upgrade:And a discussion of why the standard incandescent light bulb is the international symbol for "idea" and "innovation" when it is a 100-year old object.
the current medications thread...
---
Adam, an elderly man was seated in the doctor's waiting room. When he was called in to see the doctor, Adam slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room.
After only a few minutes, Adam emerged from the room, walking completely upright. Paul, another patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement. 'That must be a miracle doctor in there.' he exclaimed. 'What treatment did he give you? What's his secret?'
Adam stared at Paul and said, 'Well, the doctor looked me up and down, analysed the situation, and gave me a cane that was four inches longer than the one I had been using.'
---
Ronan kept going to the ophthalmic doctor because his eye hurt and the doctor finally discovered his problem. The Doc told him, 'Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can't drink tea.'
Ronan stuttered, 'But I love tea.'
The doctor replied, 'Okay, as long as you take the spoon out.'
---
A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been.
'Oh, it was very disappointing,' he said. 'I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital.'
---
Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?
Patient: I sure did - the bottle said 'keep tightly closed.'
---
A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits.
'All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?'
'Eventually,' said the consultant, 'she will rise and shine.'
---
Adam, an elderly man was seated in the doctor's waiting room. When he was called in to see the doctor, Adam slowly got up, and, grasping his cane and hunching over, slowly made his way into the examining room.
After only a few minutes, Adam emerged from the room, walking completely upright. Paul, another patient who had watched him hobble into the room all hunched over, stared in amazement. 'That must be a miracle doctor in there.' he exclaimed. 'What treatment did he give you? What's his secret?'
Adam stared at Paul and said, 'Well, the doctor looked me up and down, analysed the situation, and gave me a cane that was four inches longer than the one I had been using.'
---
Ronan kept going to the ophthalmic doctor because his eye hurt and the doctor finally discovered his problem. The Doc told him, 'Your eye hurts when you drink tea, so you can't drink tea.'
Ronan stuttered, 'But I love tea.'
The doctor replied, 'Okay, as long as you take the spoon out.'
---
A famous surgeon went on a safari in Africa. When he came back, his colleagues asked him how it had been.
'Oh, it was very disappointing,' he said. 'I didn't kill a thing. I'd have been better off staying here in the hospital.'
---
Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?
Patient: I sure did - the bottle said 'keep tightly closed.'
---
A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter's strange eating habits.
'All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?'
'Eventually,' said the consultant, 'she will rise and shine.'
I do not believe he will ever get to the top
A man had been having horrible headaches for years. He went from doctor to doctor and no one could help. Finally one doctor decided to examine his whole body,. He noticed the the man's testicles were pushed up into his body. "There's your problem" , the doctor said, "those will need to be removed and the headaches will be cured".
The man had the operation and shortly after recovery he felt fantastic. No headache. Things were so wonderful he decided to go out and buy a new suit of clothes from head to foot. He sought out the finest tailor in town. The tailor started taking the man's measurements. "Hat"? " 8 1/2 the response", "suit", "40 long", "Shoes"? "size 10. "Ok", the tailor said, "you have everything except underwear, what is your size"? "32 the response". "No", the tailor said, "that can't be". The man kept arguing that he wore size 32 underwear. "Listen", the tailor said, "I have been a tailor for 40 years and I know my business, I am telling you that you should be wearing a size 36 underwear, if you wore a 32, your testicles would be pushed so far up into your body, you would be walking around with headaches all of the time".
The man had the operation and shortly after recovery he felt fantastic. No headache. Things were so wonderful he decided to go out and buy a new suit of clothes from head to foot. He sought out the finest tailor in town. The tailor started taking the man's measurements. "Hat"? " 8 1/2 the response", "suit", "40 long", "Shoes"? "size 10. "Ok", the tailor said, "you have everything except underwear, what is your size"? "32 the response". "No", the tailor said, "that can't be". The man kept arguing that he wore size 32 underwear. "Listen", the tailor said, "I have been a tailor for 40 years and I know my business, I am telling you that you should be wearing a size 36 underwear, if you wore a 32, your testicles would be pushed so far up into your body, you would be walking around with headaches all of the time".
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I've been watching this since before midnight. When does he get to the top?
Give it a few more minutes...
You were right! That is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. How did they get that up there?
Man, I envy you... I haven't taken my eyes off the screen for two days and the guy hasn't reached the top yet....
Please tell me what awaits him at the top... you just have to tell me!!!!
To tell you would be to spoil the surprise. You're just going to have to watch it all the way through.Man, I envy you... I haven't taken my eyes off the screen for two days and the guy hasn't reached the top yet....
Please tell me what awaits him at the top... you just have to tell me!!!!
And don't look away...it happens fast!
I saw the end after just 10 seconds or so. What's taking you guys so long?Man, I envy you... I haven't taken my eyes off the screen for two days and the guy hasn't reached the top yet....
Please tell me what awaits him at the top... you just have to tell me!!!!
yeah... but my eyes are killing me!!!
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