The Jokes thread

cmartinez

Joined Jan 17, 2007
8,782
I was going to mention how my heel marks on their foreheads improved their appearance but the orchestra was already playing me off the stage to keep the awards show moving.
Riiiiiiighhht.... it was the runner up's turn after all... and after your huge success, it's only right that you respect her two minutes of fame:

 

tom_s

Joined Jun 27, 2014
288
you'd have to fly in a straight line from lax

and try not to get lost, the only grade you going to get if you go under the water is c
 

tom_s

Joined Jun 27, 2014
288
a girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.

the blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and the other was named Timex.

her friend said, "who ever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"

"HellOOOooo," answered the blonde. "they're WATCH dogs!"
 

tom_s

Joined Jun 27, 2014
288
as the clock ticks...

best time to go shopping? when the stores are open

people beat clocks, just to kill time

you can't go fishing if your watch is broken, you don't have the time

don't go whispering secrets to a clock, time will tell

you have one watch, you know what time it is, with 2, you never sure

if you want to work overtime, put the clock under the desk

my sister shot the alarm clock.... just killing time...
 

tom_s

Joined Jun 27, 2014
288
@tom_s Hey...where have you been ?
Haven't seen you lately.

Are you from Australia ?
put me on the spot eh?

answers number ones -

short answers - here
middles answers - here and there
long answers - here there and a few other places

answers number two's

where did you see me? never seen you...

answer number three's

nope, british subject, only live in the sunny side of australia when its not raining or cloudy with a chance of meatballs :)

edit: jokes thread, joke added

what is the australian animal that most resembles the australian male?

a wombat, because he eats, roots, and leaves.
 
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