that's the mistake the conservatives made in passing the defense of marriage act. governments, especially the federal government, should have no role in defining what a marriage is or isn't.I tend to agree that the government should never have started viewing a married person as different than a single person.
by elevating the definition of marriage to the federal level, the conservatives thought they could strengthen their positions in a few states that were considering loosening up the definition of marriage. instead, once the federal government becomes liberal enough to refuse to defend the lawsuit against the defense of marriage act, the definition of marriage got changed even for those states where traditional marriage was/is strong.
they put too many eggs in one basket.