Understanding women

Thread Starter

magnet18

Joined Dec 22, 2010
1,223
I found this funny, and it almost goes along with Valentines day, might give you a laugh.

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time.

Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a Woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
 

tom66

Joined May 9, 2009
2,591
Hehe. :)

Even though I am sceptical of religion, I can see the humour.

I think the same goes for both sexes though.
 

spinnaker

Joined Oct 29, 2009
7,815
An oldie but a goodie. :)


One day God looked upon the earth and he became very upset. It seems all he created did not go as planned. You know that free will thing. He was sad to see that man was no longer head of the family.


He called St. Peter into his office and said "St. Peter, I have an assignment for you. I want you to have all of the men of the earth form two lines. One line will be the men that are the master of their family. The other line will be the men where the wife is head of the family".

St. Peter gathered all of the men of the earth as instructed. The line where the woman was the head of the family stretched on farther than the eye can see. The line where the man was head of the family had just one man.

God looked upon the earth and said, "I created man to be the master of the family. All of you men in this line have greatly disappointed me"! He then addressed the man standing in the line alone, "Man, tell the other men of this earth why you deserve to stand in this place of great honor".

The man replied "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here". :)
 

cjdelphi

Joined Mar 26, 2009
272
Being British I tend to follow more British comedy than American but both can be Very good and both can be very crap, I just tend to think that in America there's less decent comedy but every now and then a gem shines and they are amazingly funny and one such guy said something along the lines of this... Comedians you have to love them or try lol so it goes a little like this without quoting word for word. -----

Ok i've decided never try and work out or resolve an argument at the time of an argument, it simply not possible please don't do it, When i got home I felt pretty bad watching my wife and child walk home especially with that huge sack of potatoes..

So please don't resolve the arguments at the time calm down then talk, it seems I was completely in the wrong, when my wife threw her keys at me and yelled at me I was the biggest loser she'd ever known... when infact what the wife was actually trying to say was...

"Oh hunny i've had such a bad day, i'm tired and irritable and i've had a really really bad day, and when i threw the keys at you, what i was really saying was... I just need a big hug'

Talking of which, the wife believes in leaving the tap on when she goes on holiday so she can drown any burglars who break in, when we got back from holiday the water was over 5ft high in the basement so we went down to check out the damage

There was so much water I almost fell off my wife's shoulders!
 

loosewire

Joined Apr 25, 2008
1,571
@ Bertus,tell us about a famous funny guy from your country.
I may have heard of one but don't remember,or famous singers
male or female that came to America and made it big.
 

nerdegutta

Joined Dec 15, 2009
2,660
I'm also missing Benny Hill. I remember many ROFL watching his shows...

A famous from the Netherlands: try Vincent van Gogh...
 

Markd77

Joined Sep 7, 2009
2,796
There's also Ruud van Nistelrooy, Johannes Diderik van der Waals and Alex and Eddie van Halen.
 

Wendy

Joined Mar 24, 2008
21,840
Any humor that has tragedy as the punch line, usually involving people dying.
 

jpanhalt

Joined Jan 18, 2008
7,697
I can't see a "wet paint" sign without thinking of his show and a particular skit. That was a long time ago.

John

PS: Imagine some guys standing in front of the sign who assumed that "wet" was a verb.
 

loosewire

Joined Apr 25, 2008
1,571
It wasn't windy,what could it be. I like my sign for the business in the rear.
"Beware Of Falling Bullets" it confounds them,while they try to figture it out
the police is pulling up.
 

Thread Starter

magnet18

Joined Dec 22, 2010
1,223
just when I started thinking you had culture, learning and taste....
On second thought, there are probably better, but I still have no idea who the others were.

As for taste, I have Dr. Pepper and limitless amounts of streaming whatever music I feel like.
All is well. :)
 

VoodooMojo

Joined Nov 28, 2009
495
On second thought, there are probably better, but I still have no idea who the others were.

As for taste, I have Dr. Pepper and limitless amounts of streaming whatever music I feel like.
All is well. :)
Dr Pepper is good.... start streaming great guitar player performances and explore the world of musical virtuosity. Nothing at all wrong with Van Halen but we shouldn't be amazed by a sliver when there is a vast forest of genius to behold.


Steve Vai is a favorite of mine by the way.
as well as Segovia and Reinhardt
 
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