Correction needed - Please

It is a little embarassing to ask this, as this has nothing to do with electronics. As you may know, or figure, I'm not a native english speaker. I'm redacting a ReadMe file for a project that I have on SourceForge, and it might need correction. It is a question of grammar and semantics, actually, since spelling is easy to check on word.

So, I ask you to take a look. The document is to be written in UK english. Here is a small part:

"1 - Introduction

CS Command Line Tools is a project that pretends to expand DOS Command Line
functionality, either by providing new commands, or by providing commands
with essentially the same function of deprecated ones.
The main philosophy behind this project resides in the idea that a personal
computer should be customizable by the user in all aspects, not just at a
cosmetic level. Although implementing this idea is not the first objective of
this project, this project also achieves such in a minimal scale. The project
also encourages the user make modifications in all aspects. That is the reason
almost every piece of this software is under a GNU license. For more details on
licensing, refer to the next section."

 

Makes pretty good sense to me. Not exactly how I would write it, but that's irrelevant.

 

Does the first line really intend to say that the CS Tool merly pretends to do it's function. Pretending has the meaning of seeming to do something, but actually not accomplishing the task.

As a suggestion, the first line might read "CS Command Line Tools is a project that expands DOS Command Line functionallity, .....". The change makes it clear that the CS Tool actually does expand the DOS functions.

 

Good catch! CS Command Line Tools really expands DOS functionality. I will put your suggestion into practice.

 

The word "in" does not read correctly when referring to scale. The word "on" is more accurate provided it conveys your intentions.

"Modifications in all aspects" of what? This isn't transparently clear.

Dave

 

Indeed. It is another flaw.

"1 - Introduction

CS Command Line Tools is a project that expands DOS Command Line
functionality, either by providing new commands, or by providing commands
with essentially the same function of deprecated ones.
The main philosophy behind this project resides in the idea that a personal
computer should be customizable by the user in all aspects, not just at a
cosmetic level. Although implementing this idea is not the first objective of
this project, this project also achieves such on a minimal scale. The project
also encourages the user to make modifications to the software included in it.
That is the reason why almost every piece of such software is under a GNU
license. For more details on licensing, please refer to the next section."

Is it better?

 

Written as if it were your native language. It is clear and I have no further improvements to suggest.

Dave

 

Thank you very much. Of course, there will be a couple more sections. I hope I'm not spamming because of this!

 

These two phrases look like they contradict each other. The idea makes up the main philosophy, but it isn't the first objective of the project?

"achieves such" doesn't sound good either. "such" describes how this is achieved, but it should show what is achieved, that is, implementing the idea. In my opinion, this is how it should read:
"Although implementing this idea is not the first objective of
this project, this project also achieves {it | this goal} on a minimal scale."
The word "such" can be used in another context: "on such a small scale". I'm not sure whether or not "minimal" would be forbidden in this context.

As a side note, I don't speak English natively.

 

The physosophy is what motivates the project, but it is not it's objective. Of course such objective cannot be attained by a software project. It is up to the user to customize the computer. Also, releasing commands for DOS is only a tiny step to help the user to do so, hence the word "minimal". Also, "such" is a word that is "refering to", so it is correct on that context, in this case "achieving such" = "achieving the idea underlying". Such word is used to avoid redundancy.

 

I think this should be in the Off-topic. It is still needed, but this is not related to electronics. I still have work to do on the remaining sections.

P.S.: What I really needed is someone (native UK English speaker) to join to my project. I'm really needing content editors. I cannot be the workhorse of a project containing 6 executables and lots of source code. Please PM me if you wish to join. It is bad enought to use the AAC forum for correcting texts, where the project page would be more proper to do so.

 

Here are the remaining sections:

"2 - Licenses

This distribution is covered by two specific licenses: GNU General Purpose
License and GNU Free Documentation License. GNU General Purpose License applies
to all executables and source codes, and can be found under the filename
"COPYING.TXT". GNU Free Documentation License applies to all manuals and ReadMe
files contained in this package, and it is appended to each document that
covers. Before redistributing this package, or any covered files contained in
it, you should refer to the license or licenses that apply.

There are uncovered files in the project. These include the NSIS script, that
cannot be covered since it is a script generated by a third party software,
and other eventual text files which purpose is merely to list directories
and/or files.


3 - Installing CS Command Line Tools

This project provides a detailed manual with all the steps necessary to install
CS command Line Tools. Just Open "CSCLT Setup Manual\Manual.htm" and follow
the instructions.

There is an alternative way of running CS Command Line Tools without installing
the suite first: Run "CmdLine.bat" and call any commands from there. Notice
that this batch program won't work outside the directory where you extracted
the command executables. In addition, this solution requires
Windows NT/2000/XP.


4 - Additional information:

You can download newer commands, when available, from the CS Command Line Tools
project page at SourceForge.net:
http://you.wanted.it.but.i.dont.feel.like.advertising.com

If you wish to contact me, having any question or suggestion, feel free do it
via e-mail:
iwontwritemyemailhere@nomail.com"

 

"and it is appended to each document that covers." would be better as "and is appended to each document covered."

"other eventual text files which purpose is merely to list directories and/or files." would be better as " future text files used merely to list directories and/or files."

"If you wish to contact me, having any question or suggestion," would be better as "If you wish to contact me with any question or suggestion,"



I must say your English is far far better then my Portuguese!

 

I bolded what I would change and the italic section is where I reworded a lil section and not just a few words. Very good English for the most part .

----------------


There are uncovered files in the project. These include the NSIS script, which
cannot be covered since it generated by a third party,
and other future text files which purpose is merely to list directories
and/or files.


3 - Installing CS Command Line Tools

This project provides a detailed manual with all the steps necessary to install
CS command Line Tools. Just Open "CSCLT Setup Manual\Manual.htm" and follow
the instructions.

There is an alternative way of running CS Command Line Tools without installing
the suite first: Run "CmdLine.bat" and call any commands from there. Notice
that this batch program won't work outside the directory where you extracted
the command executables. In addition, this solution requires
Windows NT/2000/XP.


4 - Additional information:

You can download newer commands, when available, from the CS Command Line Tools
project page at SourceForge.net:
http://you.wanted.it.but.i.dont.feel...dvertising.com

If you wish to contact me, having a question or suggestion, feel free do so
via e-mail:
iwontwritemyemailhere@nomail.com"

 

I just have one thing to say about your middle correction. What I mean to say is that some text files, such as those whose purpose is... are not covered by any license. The files are already in the distribution, so they cannot be considered as future. Good corrections there. Much simpler that way!

It depends if you talk portuguese or not...

 

This time with the suggested corrections and some other modifications:

"2 - Licenses

This distribution is covered by two specific licenses: GNU General Purpose
License and GNU Free Documentation License. GNU General Purpose License applies
to all executables and source codes, and can be found under the filename
"COPYING.TXT". GNU Free Documentation License applies to all manuals and ReadMe
files contained in this package, and is appended to each document covered.
Before redistributing this package, or any covered files contained in it, you
should refer to the license or licenses that apply.

There are uncovered files in the project. These include the NSIS script, which
cannot be covered since it is a script generated by a third party software,
and some other text files which purpose is merely to list directories and/or
files.


3 - Installing CS Command Line Tools

This project provides a detailed manual with all the steps necessary to install
CS command Line Tools. Just Open "CSCLT Setup Manual\Manual.htm" and follow
the instructions.

There is an alternative way of running CS Command Line Tools without installing
it first: Run "CmdLine.bat" and call any commands from there. Notice that this
batch program won't work outside the directory where you extracted the command
executables. In addition, this solution requires Windows NT/2000/XP.


4 - Additional information:

You can download newer commands, when available, from the CS Command Line Tools
project page at SourceForge.net:
http://whowantedtheurlagain.didntyou.com

If you wish to contact me with any question or suggestion, feel free do it via
e-mail:
nah.myemailisfullofspam@webcrawlers.off"

 

cumesoftware, this line does not read clearly: does the whole application require the said OSes, or just the workaround stated in the paragraph immediately. If it is the later I would suggest that you say "This procedure requires Windows NT/2000/XP."

I love the URL and e-mail addresses!

Dave

 

It is only the workaround that requires OSes, not all package if you ask. The back file was made to work with cmd.exe, that doesn't exist in Windows95/98. Anyways, I've compiled the package, there is no way to correct this now.