Classmates who aren't really your friends

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by EngIntoHW, Jun 29, 2011.

  1. EngIntoHW

    Thread Starter Member

    Apr 24, 2010
    I got this friend I tend to hang out with during the breaks between classes, that when it comes to asking him questions during the exams vacation, he pretends like he knows nothing or that he hasn't reached that question yet in order to being able to help out on it.

    You know what I mean?

    It's so frustrating, because it makes you not want to help him too, and all that just makes you feel lousy.
  2. strantor

    AAC Fanatic!

    Oct 3, 2010
    There's an investment you make when you take the time and effort to find answers for yourself. When someone else comes along and wants you to give them the answers that you worked so hard to get, it feels like you are giving up something. A selfish person will keep their knowledge to themselves. A giving person will share the answers and feel good about it. Most of the people around here are the giving type, but out there in the real world its dog-eat-dog. I enjoy giving answers on the rare occasion that I know what I'm talking about. makes me feel smart. In a competitive situation I might not behave the same way. Maybe he sees you as competition. Or maybe he has your best interest in mind and feels you would learn more if you did your own research. or maybe he's a dickhead. or maybe he really doesn't know the answers. who knows?
  3. ErnieM

    AAC Fanatic!

    Apr 24, 2011
    Yes, I know exactly what you mean. Excluding the very shy, my impression of such people is they are of somewhat limited talents and are especially afraid you will be able to either take their idea and run with it where they could not imagine it could go, or show them a mistake without even thinking hard.

    Typically they seek to claim all the glory for any accomplishment anyone may make.

    Also, they tend to rise up in management.
  4. strantor

    AAC Fanatic!

    Oct 3, 2010
    So I guess I'm not the only one who's noticed that.
  5. EngIntoHW

    Thread Starter Member

    Apr 24, 2010
    I'm talking about the simplest thing - a student who won't share his knowledge with his classmates in order to attain higher grades.

    Yeah you're right, you run into such cases also at work.
    Luckily, I haven't experienced it at my work place so far, I feel that everyone here is willing to help.

    In school however, it's the total opposite.
  6. strantor

    AAC Fanatic!

    Oct 3, 2010
    I worked with technician in canada for a while who had a degree. He was an alright guy; mostly nice, smart, knowledgabe. He was very particular about his education and what he would teach you. It was his opinion that since he had to pay thousands of dollars and put 4 years of his life into schooling, that he had earned his knowledge; And that since others hadn't done what he had done, that they hadn't earned the knowledge that he had. The first time he refused to teach me something, it made me mad. But later I came to see his point of view. I didn't/don't really agree with it, but I understand it and I was still able to get along with him. It's his knowledge and he owns it; He's not required to give it to me or anyone else, especially if you haven't earned it.

    I view the music industry in a similar manner. The artists (with the exception of "instant stars" and "famous for being famous" people) go through hard times before they make it big. The music they make is untangible in digital format; it can be freely copied and distributed. Once the work has been done, they wouldn't have to lift a finger to let you have it. But they don't let you have it. Are they selfish? maybe a little, but they are justified in that they worked for for it and now they deserve to be paid for it.

    Maybe if you offered the dude a payment for tutoring he would help you. That may seem a little silly to you, but it also may seem silly to him that you expect him to give you something for free, tangible or untangible.
    EngIntoHW likes this.
  7. EngIntoHW

    Thread Starter Member

    Apr 24, 2010
    Hi strantor,

    I totally agree with you.

    In your case, if this Canadian colleague was serving the teacher position all the time, then I can understand why he wouldn't be so eager to share his knowledge.
    But if the help was mutual and in both directions, then it's not ok to receive help but not offering it.
  8. Adjuster

    Well-Known Member

    Dec 26, 2010
    I think that the person who is really unwilling to share information is fortunately fairly rare. Many people are happy to pass on knowledge, however hard-won, and would regard those refusing to do so as mean-spirited. That said, in a very dog-eat-dog competitive environment this may be more common or even usual. Perhaps this is more common in certain political climates, but this risks straying into forbidden territory.

    Your Canadian technician might however find that he makes long-term difficulties for himself if he is too zealous about keeping his knowledge to himself in a work environment. Someone I once knew had an almost paranoid attitude to guarding intellectual property, and went to some lengths to avoid passing on information which might be too helpful. This led to friction with colleagues, to the detriment of that person's future career prospects.
  9. Georacer


    Nov 25, 2009
    I only help people that I like in my uni. I have experienced many lecherous slackers that don't feel any kind of gratitude after you help them to know better.

    Of course I will help my friends, of course I will help people that I feel sympathy for. I will also help people that I believe that they can help me in another topic in return.

    Here in AAC I believe in the moto "Help yourself first".

    I agree that products of intellect constitute property of their creator, but in the case of knowledge I feel that it should be distributed freely to anyone who really seeks it.
  10. Wendy


    Mar 24, 2008
    I got a different lesson from this site, much like taking a horse to water. I'll try to teach, but in the end it is totally up to the other side.

    My college days we had study groups. If someone was a leach they found themselves uninvited.
  11. loosewire

    AAC Fanatic!

    Apr 25, 2008
    Today what every one is concerned about is pensions,you are a member
    of the have's and have nots.People are friendly because every one knows
    there own set of benefits. Management and education stands above others.
    So to make a good working place the management has to keep others from
    the pool of money.There are many ways to do that,awards,employee of the
    month.Most places have benefits committee's,education programs have ways
    to separate the staff.Today it is more public information because some states
    are passing laws that make people pay part of there pension.The people that
    are unaware they are missing out and paying for there friends at work pension.
    This so called secret system of paying for every one in public service.More about
    this later,but the pension and benefits are the center of all activities at work and
    play,who plays golf,who bowls.The teachers pension ,student scores, mind sets.
    A complex Interaction among the classes,among the masses.

    Senior Member

    Jun 29, 2010
    You are wright loss.....!!
  13. strantor

    AAC Fanatic!

    Oct 3, 2010
    For sure. so you're helping this guy out and he isn't helping you back? That's b.s. I would speak up about it and if he doesn't change then stop helping him.

    Yes, thankfully they are rare.

    One person this topic hasn't yet addressed is the person who is overzealous in providing information. The person who feels the need to save face. The person who will drop enough lingo to make you think that they know what they are talking about, but really they haven't a clue. They only want you to think that they are smart. These people are dangerous and IMO worse than those who horde knowledge. These people should be quarantined. This is not to be confused with someone who has genuine intentions but a flawed understanding of the topic they are trying to discuss.

    I love the idea of knowledge sharing; I love the internet, open source software & hardware, and I love this site. I think if everybody just got in a little more giving attitude, society would advance in leaps and bounds. This way of thinking demonstrated by your classmate only keeps information compartmentalized and stagnates growth.
  14. TBayBoy


    May 25, 2011
    Or the type of person who talks down to you while trying to help, or the person who needs help and latches on to you like an octopus.