Best ever joke

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Robin Mitchell, Dec 10, 2010.

  1. Robin Mitchell

    Thread Starter Distinguished Member

    Oct 25, 2009
    doc: i have bad news and worse news. patient: wat is it O_O? doc: u hav 24 hrs to live. patient: omg whats worse than that? doc: i forgot to call you yesterday
  2. retched

    AAC Fanatic!

    Dec 5, 2009
    Ummmm... So how about this weather were having?

  3. loosewire

    AAC Fanatic!

    Apr 25, 2008
    Is his Island bigger than Riaffs.
    Do they have joke pool.
  4. happyganl

    Active Member

    Dec 17, 2009
    I admire people live on island,its better one house one island
  5. sceadwian

    New Member

    Jun 1, 2009
    Three blonds are driving in a car on their dream trip to Disney World. They get to the last exit on their directions and see a large sign that says "Disney World Left". They screech on the breaks hit the nearest U turn and go back home crying.
  6. retched

    AAC Fanatic!

    Dec 5, 2009
    Two blonds walk into a building.

    You think ONE of them would have seen it! ;) !!!
  7. Wendy


    Mar 24, 2008
    Motor cycle cop tries to pull over a blond in a convertible, but she won't stop. Finally he pulls up next to her and yells "Pullover!"

    "No", she yells back, "Scarf!".
  8. retched

    AAC Fanatic!

    Dec 5, 2009

    Thats funny.

    A piece of string walks into a bar and sits down at a stool and orders a beer.

    The bartender says "What! Not a chance."

    The string says "Please sir, I just came in on a delievery stuck in the belly of a jet plane for hours and I am REALLY thirsty."

    The bartender says "Look I dont want a piece of string drinking at my bar! You will scare my customers. Get lost!"

    So the string gets off the stool, and leaves the bar.

    Outside, the string is pacing back and forth and all the sudden throws himself on the ground and starts sliding back and forth, all around, scratching himself all up.

    He tares up his fibers and almost splits himself in half!

    In order to keep himself together, he ties himself in a knot.

    The string gets off the ground, and goes back into the bar.

    "Gimme a whiskey!", exclaims the string.

    The bartender replies "Hey, arnt you that same piece of string that was just in here a few minutes ago trying to buy a beer?"

    "Frayed knot" says the string.
  9. someonesdad

    Senior Member

    Jul 7, 2009
    The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door.

    “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Jones, but we have some information about your wife.”

    “Well, tell me!” the man said.

    The policeman said, “We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?”

    Fearing the worse, Mr. Jones said, “Give me the bad news first.”

    So the policeman said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife’s body in San Francisco Bay.”

    “Oh my god!” said Mr. Jones, overcome by emotion.

    Remembering what the cop had said, he asked, “So what’s the good news?”

    “Well,” said the cop, “when we pulled her up she had two five-pound lobsters and a dozen good size Dungeoness crabs on her.”

    “If that’s the good news, then what’s the great news!?!” he asked.

    And the cop replied, “We’re going to pull her up again tomorrow morning.”
  10. retched

    AAC Fanatic!

    Dec 5, 2009
    aaaaaaaawwwwwww... Thats (w)retched! ;)
  11. BillO

    Distinguished Member

    Nov 24, 2008
    I get no respect!

    I try to teach my son that hard work eventually pays off, he tells me 'Dad, laziness has intsant rewards!'
  12. nerdegutta


    Dec 15, 2009
    Its true, though...

    How old is your son? I kind of get the same answers from my 15yr old daughter...

    Why does brunettes have bruises around their belly-button?

    Well, blond boys are not that smart either...
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2010
  13. Robin Mitchell

    Thread Starter Distinguished Member

    Oct 25, 2009
    what does a transistor do when its drunk?

  14. retched

    AAC Fanatic!

    Dec 5, 2009

    Funny! ! !

    Awww.. thats precious.
  15. loosewire

    AAC Fanatic!

    Apr 25, 2008
    A little boy was playing with his toys,a little girl came over with
    her toys.They were playing when the little boy and girl started
    comparing who had the most toys.The little boy got all worked up
    and pull his pants down and said I've got one of these,the little
    girl calmly pulled down her pants and said,I've got one these and
    I can get all of thoughs I want.
  16. VoodooMojo

    Active Member

    Nov 28, 2009
    a horse walks into a bar and orders a drink.
    setting the drink in front of the horse, the bartender asks,
    "why the long face?"