The Jokes thread

atferrari

Joined Jan 6, 2004
4,764
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.

At the head of the table there was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only one. God is
watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child made another note: "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
 

Sparky49

Joined Jul 16, 2011
833
With Loosewire's brilliant fish joke, I thought it might be nice to have a joke thread.

I tried to come up with a good chemistry joke, but the best ones Argon. All the rest are Boron...

Give me a break - today I was mixing some bits together and everything exploded! Oxidants happen...

Ach, I suppose I better come up with something to do with electronics - but none of my jokes are current enough.

What have you guys got to offer?:D
 

loosewire

Joined Apr 25, 2008
1,686
@ Sparky49,That agood joke if you have the intellect to

GET IT. I'm surprised that we don't have lot more posted.

These guys are sitting under a big joke,they just have to move

for a beer,or near beer.........Go Sparky show u'm your sense of rumor

about someone...that needed it. Intellect........
 

Sparky49

Joined Jul 16, 2011
833
Well I know a really good chemistry joke, He He He He He...

Did you hear about the photon which checked into a hotel? When the receptionist asked about his luggage, he replied "No thanks, I'm travelling light."

Of course the photon wasn't as bad as the neutrino who went into bar. He was just passing through.

That's enough from me at the moment - I'm off to make lunch. I'm having salmon and nutella - hopefully I won't get any salmonella.
 

Adjuster

Joined Dec 26, 2010
2,148
An elf, a dwarf, a leprechaun, a gnome, and a fairy were all sat down around the table having a drink.

Suddenly the lights go out: the elf, the dwarf, the leprechaun and the fairy all get up to go looking for the fuse box, but the gnome stays put.

Some time later the lights come on and everybody gets back to the table. The elf asks the gnome why he hadn't come with them. Rather embarrassed, he explains: "I'm rather scared of electricity, you see, on account of being very prone to shocks. "Are you sure?", said the fairy "Oh yes indeed," said his friend: "it only takes one volt to pass an ampere through a gnome"
 

DerStrom8

Joined Feb 20, 2011
2,390
Einstein, Newton, and Pascal decide to play a game of Hide and Seek. Einstein is "it", and he turns around and starts counting. Pascal runs over and hides behind a tree, and Newton just stays put and draws a large 1-meter square around his feet. Einstein finishes counting, turns around, and immediately sees Newton. He calls out, "HA! I found you, Newton! You lose!" Newton replies, "No. You found a newton over one square meter. You found Pascal!"
 

MrChips

Joined Oct 2, 2009
30,706
SgtWookie didn’t have a heart to admit his circuit had problems with restricted current flow.

Even when the docs suggested the operational amp needed quad bypass caps to suppress the transients, he resisted the thought of the extra surge this would deliver. On transit to the test bed, he threw up a lot of static and impedance but the power factor took him over the threshold and suppressed his reluctance. The major circuit mods are now showing good positive feedback.

But after all the thermal stress the DUT has had to tolerate, it would be best to operate in low power mode for the immediate time frame.

I C U will have to agree 2.
 

Sparky49

Joined Jul 16, 2011
833
Loosie, you haven't submitted a joke yet. Nothing is funny like that.

I hope you are okay.

What do you get if you cross a mountaineer and a mountain goat? You can't, because they are both scalars.

Why are chemistry jokes so good - because laughter is elemental.
 
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loosewire

Joined Apr 25, 2008
1,686
Sparky,A little boy and little girl were playing with there toys.

The little boys says he has lot of toys,the little girl said she had

lots toys too.The little boy determinded not to be out done,

Put down his pants and said,"I have one these".The little girl

pulled down her pants and "Said I have one of these and I will

get all of them I want.
 
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DerStrom8

Joined Feb 20, 2011
2,390
Q1: What do you call a electrician who tries to be a carpenter?

Q2: What do yoy call a carpenter who tries to be an electrican?

Q3: What do you call a electrician with a hammer?

Q4: What is another name for an electrician's apprentice?
 

DerStrom8

Joined Feb 20, 2011
2,390
Q1: What do you call a electrician who tries to be a carpenter?

Q2: What do yoy call a carpenter who tries to be an electrican?

Q3: What do you call a electrician with a hammer?

Q4: What is another name for an electrician's apprentice?
A1: A lousy carpenter

A2: A dead carpenter

A3: A thief

A4: A shock absorber
 

alice11

Joined Dec 26, 2011
0
A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I
have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say
one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to
your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them
with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the
bible.
My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible
phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's
house.
The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in
their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male
talking Parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot. Do you
want a date?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put
your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!"
 
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