OFF: Would you forgive her for cheating?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by dMoser, Feb 25, 2012.

  1. dMoser

    Thread Starter Member

    Aug 25, 2011
    30
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    We’re in our mid twenties.

    We started dating about a month ago, and we only met each other once a weekend due to me being on exams vacations.
    We bonded pretty well and I expected her to wait just one more week for my exams vacation to end so we could spend more time together.

    However, she continued logging into dating websites during this month..
    A month after we started dating (which was last weekend), she went to someone’s apartment (whom she just recently met in some dating website) and they were kissing.

    She immediately confessed about it, but I couldn’t make a fresh start with her.
    It’s not just because of that kiss, but because even after we changed our status to ‘in relationship’ (which SHE initiated it), she kept logging into the dating websites.

    Now, she’s truly sorry, said it won’t happen again.

    On the one hand, I’m not sure it was an one-time tripping because as I said, there was more involved than the kiss itself.
    On the second hand, we did meet each other just once a weekend and it was hard for her.

    I’m wondering whether she deserves a second chance.
    My main fear is her cheating on me again a year from now, and it will be a serious waste of time.

    I'd appreciate your opinions.
    10x.
     
  2. praondevou

    AAC Fanatic!

    Jul 9, 2011
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    Give her a second chance. You barely knew each other.

    Good luck
     
  3. spinnaker

    AAC Fanatic!

    Oct 29, 2009
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    It's hurtful. I cannot imagine how anyone can do that to someone.

    But that said I would think maybe she deserves a second chance. After all you are not married. First off have a frank discussion about your relationship. Is it exclusive or not.

    If she thinks it is not and you can't live with that then walk.

    If she says it is exclusive and if happens again or if you have any suspicion that she is logging on to those sites then I would walk. It is just not worth the heartache.
     
  4. steveb

    Senior Member

    Jul 3, 2008
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    She deserves a second chance because she confessed when she didn't have to.

    Still, you deserve better treatment.

    So, it can go either way.

    It all comes down to whether you will be able to trust her in the future. You will be able to forgive her in time, no doubt, but if you can't both forgive and forget, there is no point in continuing a relationship.
     
  5. 1chance

    Member

    Nov 26, 2011
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    I agree with steveb--it's all about trust and how will it affect your relationship in the future. Can you truly let it go? If so, pursue the relationship. I broke up with my high school sweetheart (almost four decades ago) for cheating on me. I have to admit that I've wondered a few times over the years about the "might have beens" if i'd taken him back. Make sure you can live with your decision.
     
  6. amilton542

    Active Member

    Nov 13, 2010
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    Women <sniff>

    Look on the bright side, it was just a kiss.
     
  7. tracecom

    AAC Fanatic!

    Apr 16, 2010
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    Yep...this time.
     
  8. GetDeviceInfo

    Senior Member

    Jun 7, 2009
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    sounds like you have some serious maturing to do. But hey, that comes with getting knocked around. Two things, focus on yourself and where your going, secondly, give her credit and respect for being young and exploring. Sounds like she has a lot of exploring to do so I wouldn't get in her way.
     
  9. amilton542

    Active Member

    Nov 13, 2010
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    I'd say, out of all this, your the one with your head screwed on.

    I'm still a puppy, but what i've learned so far is, you can't go looking for "the-one", she will just appear.
     
  10. dMoser

    Thread Starter Member

    Aug 25, 2011
    30
    1
    Thank you all guys!
    I made my mind not to give her a second chance and move on.

    Thanks again :)
     
  11. THE_RB

    AAC Fanatic!

    Feb 11, 2008
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    Good on you. :)

    My experience with females is the ones who are into you are into you big time, and into you alone.

    Ones who keep visiting dating websites and going to "visit" dates a month after you have been together don't sound like they are that into you, sorry to say.
     
  12. dMoser

    Thread Starter Member

    Aug 25, 2011
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    1
    I'll be honest with you, I was not 100% sure to choose either way - dumping her or making a fresh start with her.

    This decision was made after we had several long conversations with each other about that, and she made a very great effort to bring me back to her.

    But it was harder for me to make a fresh starts while I have my doubts, rather than let her go carrying these doubts.

    Now, I'm in a tough situation, I miss the way we felt so comfortable with each other, and I don't know when I'll find it again in someone else.

    So, it's not that I'm truly happy with my decision..
     
  13. steveb

    Senior Member

    Jul 3, 2008
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    There is no way you can be happy with the decision. She put you into a lose/lose situation. You have to give up quite a bit with either path. If you let her go, you are forced to give up your good nature, - the one that says to understand and forgive. If you try to make a go of it, you give up a bit of your self respect, - that voice that keeps saying, "I deserve better than that" and "I want the person I spend my time (maybe even life) with to not be someone whose first significant act was to place me in this position".

    I think that with only one month invested, your decision is reasonable, and probably the one that will cause you the least grief in the long run.
     
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2012
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  14. maxpower097

    Well-Known Member

    Feb 20, 2009
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    Nope, there is no excuse for cheating other then she's a <sinp> with almost no will power I've seen it 1000 times. Once a cheater always a cheater. Dump her and move on. Let her find someon else to pay for her kids braces.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 26, 2012
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  15. steveb

    Senior Member

    Jul 3, 2008
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    Despite the fact that absolute statements can never be true, I agree with the spirit of this statement. If the girl in question was 15 or 16, I'd say, it is just immaturity, but in mid-twenties, I'd say patterns of behavior are often set.

    This can also be a bit of a Catch 22 situation. If the OP let's her go, the fact that her actions have final conclusive and negative results might straighten her out. However, if he takes her back, she may take the lesson that you can screw up and be forgiven, so it's no problem.
     
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  16. spinnaker

    AAC Fanatic!

    Oct 29, 2009
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    You just have to trust your gut and know you made the right decision. Just think how miserable you would be if your relationship started to grow (on your end) and she continued her behavior.


    Yeah you might not ever find someone that you are as comfortable with again but then again maybe you will.

    And remember that you were not comfortable with the real her. You were comfortable with the person that was presented to you. Knowing the real her only comes over time and you got a glimpse of what you may have learned about her had you kept on the relationship.
     
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  17. ErnieM

    AAC Fanatic!

    Apr 24, 2011
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    Smart move.
     
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  18. luvv

    Member

    May 26, 2011
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    Only a few roles to play when there is cheating in a relationship.

    Perpetrator, Victim, Competitor, Quitter, there is no Winner.....

    Thing to remember is no one can choose which you will be but you..

    -luvv-
     
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  19. nerdegutta

    Moderator

    Dec 15, 2009
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    Remember that girlfriends stays for maybe months, years, even decades, but your friends stay for life!
     
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  20. R!f@@

    AAC Fanatic!

    Apr 2, 2009
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    If a mature women cheats. Trust me. She will do it again.

    U know I have walked down that road.

    The only way you can be comfortable is to forgive her. Just say it to her face to face.." I forgive you".

    And move on....there are more where they came from. believe me.
     
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