For your reading pleasure, a compendium of some of the lesser-known programming languages. Some of this is dated, but I think you'll enjoy it, especially some of you older hands.
SIMPLE
Acronym for Sheer Idiot's Programming Linguistic Environment. This language, developed at Hanover College for Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code with errors in it. The statements are, therefore, confined to 'begin', 'end', and 'stop'. No matter how you arrange the staments, you can't make a syntax error.
SLOBOL
SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler. Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they compile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to travel to Bolivia to pick the coffee. Forty-three programmers are known to have died of boredom sitting at their terminals while waiting for a SLOBOL program to compile.
VALGOL
From its modest beginnings in Southern California's San Fernando Valley, Valgol is enjoying a dramatic surge of popularity across the industry.
Valgol commands include 'really', 'like', 'well', and 'y*know'. Variables are assigned with the '=like' and '=totally' operators. Other operators include the California Booleans, 'fersure' and 'noway'. Repetitions of code are handled in 'for/sure' loops. Here is a sample Valgol program:
Valgol is characterized by its unfriendly error messages. For example, when the user makes a syntax error, the interpreter displays the message "gag me with a spoon".
LITHP
This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence of an 's' in the character set. Programmers must substitute 'th'. Lithp is said to be useful in prothething lithtth.
LAIDBACK
Historically, Valgol is a derivative of Laidback, which was developed at the (now defunct) Marin County Center for T'ai Chi, Mellowness, and Computer Programming as an alternative to the intense atmosphere in nearby Silicon Valley.
The center was ideal for programmers who liked to soak in hot tubs while they worked. Unfortunately, few programmers could survive there for long, since the center outlawed pizza and RC Cola in favor of bean curd and Perrier.
Many mourn the demise of Laidback because of its reputation as a gentle and non-threatening language. For example, Laidback responded to syntax errors with the message "Sorry, man, I can't deal behind that."
C-
This language was named for the grade received by its creator when he submitted it as a project in a university graduate programming class. C- is best described as a 'low-level' language. In general, the language requires more C- statements than machine-code instructions to execute a given task. In this respect it is very similar to COBOL.
SARTRE
Named after the late existential philosopher, Sartre is an extremely unstructured language. Statements in Sartre have no purpose; they just are. Thus Sartre programs are left to define their own functions. Sartre programmers tend to be boring and depressed and are not fun at parties.
DOGO
Developed at the Massachusetts Institute of Obedience Training, Dogo heralds a new era of computer-literate pets. Dogo commands include 'sit', 'stay', 'heel', and 'roll over'. An innovative feature of Dogo is 'puppy graphics', a small cocker spaniel that occasionally leaves deposits as he travels across the screen.
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Appeared in the November 2, 1984 edition of the University of Waterloo's mathNEWS. Author unknown.
SIMPLE
Acronym for Sheer Idiot's Programming Linguistic Environment. This language, developed at Hanover College for Technological Misfits, was designed to make it impossible to write code with errors in it. The statements are, therefore, confined to 'begin', 'end', and 'stop'. No matter how you arrange the staments, you can't make a syntax error.
SLOBOL
SLOBOL is best known for the speed, or lack of it, of its compiler. Although many compilers allow you to take a coffee break while they compile, SLOBOL compilers allow you to travel to Bolivia to pick the coffee. Forty-three programmers are known to have died of boredom sitting at their terminals while waiting for a SLOBOL program to compile.
VALGOL
From its modest beginnings in Southern California's San Fernando Valley, Valgol is enjoying a dramatic surge of popularity across the industry.
Valgol commands include 'really', 'like', 'well', and 'y*know'. Variables are assigned with the '=like' and '=totally' operators. Other operators include the California Booleans, 'fersure' and 'noway'. Repetitions of code are handled in 'for/sure' loops. Here is a sample Valgol program:
Rich (BB code):
like y*know(I mean) start
if pizza =like bitchin and
b =like tubular and
c =like grodyax
then
for I =like 1 to oh maybe 100
do wah - (ditty)
barf(1) =totally gross(out)
sure
like bag this problem
really
like totally (y*know)LITHP
This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence of an 's' in the character set. Programmers must substitute 'th'. Lithp is said to be useful in prothething lithtth.
LAIDBACK
Historically, Valgol is a derivative of Laidback, which was developed at the (now defunct) Marin County Center for T'ai Chi, Mellowness, and Computer Programming as an alternative to the intense atmosphere in nearby Silicon Valley.
The center was ideal for programmers who liked to soak in hot tubs while they worked. Unfortunately, few programmers could survive there for long, since the center outlawed pizza and RC Cola in favor of bean curd and Perrier.
Many mourn the demise of Laidback because of its reputation as a gentle and non-threatening language. For example, Laidback responded to syntax errors with the message "Sorry, man, I can't deal behind that."
C-
This language was named for the grade received by its creator when he submitted it as a project in a university graduate programming class. C- is best described as a 'low-level' language. In general, the language requires more C- statements than machine-code instructions to execute a given task. In this respect it is very similar to COBOL.
SARTRE
Named after the late existential philosopher, Sartre is an extremely unstructured language. Statements in Sartre have no purpose; they just are. Thus Sartre programs are left to define their own functions. Sartre programmers tend to be boring and depressed and are not fun at parties.
DOGO
Developed at the Massachusetts Institute of Obedience Training, Dogo heralds a new era of computer-literate pets. Dogo commands include 'sit', 'stay', 'heel', and 'roll over'. An innovative feature of Dogo is 'puppy graphics', a small cocker spaniel that occasionally leaves deposits as he travels across the screen.
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Appeared in the November 2, 1984 edition of the University of Waterloo's mathNEWS. Author unknown.
