joke

Discussion in 'Math' started by alitex, Mar 28, 2007.

  1. alitex

    Thread Starter Active Member

    Mar 5, 2007
    122
    0
    WHAT'S OUT AND WHAT'S IN FOR MATHEMATICAL TERMS

    Today it is considered an egregious faux pas to speak or write in the crude antedated terms of our grandfathers. To assist the isolated student and the less sophisticated teacher, I have prepared the following list of currently fashionable mathematical terms in academia. I pass this list on to the general public as a matter of charity and in the hope that it will lead to more refined elucidation from young scholars.
    OUT IN
    thinking: hypothesizing.
    proof by contradiction or indirect proof: reductio ad absurdum.
    mistake: non sequitur.
    starting place: handle.
    with corresponding changes: mutatis mutandis.
    counterexample: pathological exception.
    consequently: ipso facto.
    swallowing results: digesting proofs.
    therefore: ergo.
    has an easy-to-understand, but hard-to-find solution: obvious.
    has two easy-to-understand, but hard-to-find solutions: trivial.
    truth: tautology.
    empty: vacuous.
    drill problems: plug-and-chug work.
    criteria: rubric.
    example: substantive instantiation.
    similar structure: homomorphic.
    very similar structure: isomorphic.
    same area: isometric.
    arithmetic: number theory.
    count: enumerate.
    one: unity.
    generally/specifically: globally/locally.
    constant: invariant.
    bonus result: corollary.
    distance: metric measure.
    several: a plurality.
    function/argument: operator/operand.
    separation/joining: bifurcation/confluence.
    fourth power or quartic: biquadratic.
    random: stochastic.
    unique condition: a singularity.
    uniqueness: unicity.
    tends to zero: vanishes.
    tip-top point: apex.
    half-closed: half-open.
    concave: non-convex.
    rectangular prisms: parallelepipeds.
    perpendicular (adj.): orthogonal.
    perpendicular (n.): normal.
    Euclid: Descartes.
    Fermat: Wiles.
    path: trajectory.
    shift: rectilinear translation.
    similar: homologous.
    very similar: congruent.
    whopper-jawed: skew or oblique.
    change direction: perturb.
    join: concatenate.
    approximate to two or more places: accurate.
    high school geometry or plane geometry: geometry of the Euclidean plane
    under the Pythagorean metric.
    clever scheme: algorithm.
    initialize to zero: zeroize.
    * : splat.
    { : squiggle.
    decimal: denary.
    alphabetical order: lexical order.
    a divide-and-conquer method: an algorithm of logarithmic
    order.
    student ID numbers: witty passwords.
    that bitch secretary in the math dept: the witch of Agnesi
    numerology and number sophistry: descriptive statistics
    Special thanks to Peter Braxton who got me started writing this stuff and who contributed five of the items above.
    ________________________________________
    mathematics
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    In class I was asked to give the definition of these words. Here are the
    words and my answer.

    Polyhedron: She is the mother of all geometry.

    Polyhedron Properties: I put Land she bought with the mother and fame she
    achieved from becoming the mother of all geometry.

    Polyhedron Compounds: The structures she built on her properties.

    Polyhedron Operations: The Name of the business she opened in her compounds
    on her properties.

    Uniform Polyhedron: She manufactured her own clothing line from her
    businesses in her compounds on her properties.

    Miscellaneous Polyhedron: She diversified

    Dual Polyhedron: She later married and had twins.

    Tetrahedron: A life threatening sickness you will catch if you don't get a
    tetanus shot.

    Releaux Tetrahedron: The first person diagnosed with this sickness around
    1610 in Scandinavia.

    Tetrahedron Compound 2: coughing
    Tetrahedron Compound 3: scratching
    Tetrahedron Compound 4: physiologic calcium imbalance
    Tetrahedron Compound 5: tonic spasm of muscles
    Tetrahedron Compound 6: deficient parathyroid secretion
    Tetrahedron Compound 10: loss of hearing, sight, hair and income followed by death all within a 15 second period.

    Comedy material written by Edmund Johnson Feb. 23rd 2003
     
  2. Dave

    Retired Moderator

    Nov 17, 2003
    6,960
    145
    Ahh the beautiful world of technical language is mystifying place to be!

    Dave
     
  3. alitex

    Thread Starter Active Member

    Mar 5, 2007
    122
    0
    A student was doing miserably on his oral final exam in General Toplogy (yes, this guy _really_ did give oral finals in topology). Exasperated by the student's abysmal performance up to that point, the professor asked the student "So, what _do_ you know about topology?" The student replied, "I know the definition of a topologist." The professor asked him to state the definition, expecting to get the old saw about someone who can't tell the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut. Instead, the student replied: "A topologist is someone who can't tell the difference between his ass and a hole in the ground, but who can tell the difference between his ass and _two_ holes in the ground."

    The student passed
     
  4. Papabravo

    Expert

    Feb 24, 2006
    10,177
    1,799
    I guess that is a graphic illustration of PhD standing for " piled higher and deeper". Tee-har-yuck.

    :D
     
  5. Dave

    Retired Moderator

    Nov 17, 2003
    6,960
    145
    D'oh! :D

    Dave
     
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