How do you deal with a death of a parent?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by spinnaker, Nov 28, 2011.

  1. spinnaker

    Thread Starter AAC Fanatic!

    Oct 29, 2009
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    A forum member on another forum I frequent, just lost his mother. It made me think of my own parents. While in excellent health they are of the age when they will go at any time. Hopefully they will continue to have a long healthy life.

    Since they are both in such great shape (my mom has a few issues but nothing major) they will most likely die at home and not in a hospital. And because they are still in totally love with one another after 52 years of marriage I am sure when I lose one, I will soon lose both.

    So to those that have lost parents. How did you deal with it? Is it easier to have a parent die in the hospital or doesn't it really matter?
     
  2. Wendy

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    Mar 24, 2008
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    As best you can. There really is no other way.

    My Mom died in 2006 after a lingering illnes, my dad in 2008. He did not leave a will, I'm still dealing with the mess.

    My suggestion is have a honest talk with your dad and mom about the subject. Have them put their wishes in writing (a will), and keep it safe. A sealed list of passwords is also appropriate, you will be a mess if/when the event happens, not ready to deal with what you will be forced to deal with.

    The same advice applies to you, BTW.
     
  3. spinnaker

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    Oh my Dad has everything all ready. He has all of the legal stuff done. All well organized into a binder including copies of letters to his pension, utility companies etc. He has even cleaned the house of all kind of useless papers and junk. I think the only thing that remains is funeral arrangements.

    As far as me. I am a procrastinator. I have this ridiculous notion that if I don't prepare for my own death then I won't go. Besides I don't really have anyone to leave my vast fortune anyway. :)

    I was actually thinking of my own old age. I will have no one to watch out for me. I was thinking that I should make those arrangements within the next several years while I am still mentally capable of making decisions.
     
  4. Wendy

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    If you have no one you could always leave it to a charity and let them sort it out. Of course, all the stuff you used to hold dear (oscope, car, parts, whatever) will either go for bottom dollar or be used to fill a land fill. A will only means stuff you valued will go to someone who also will value it, since you are done using it.

    Funeral arrangements are easy, all you need is money, the funeral homes are experienced in dealing with this kind of situation. Since you probably won't have the screaming memies it will go smoothly. :(

    Having said that, I'm procrastinating too. Do what I say, not what I do!
     
  5. strantor

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    Oct 3, 2010
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    I plan on signing a DNR (do no rescussitate). About 12 years ago my grandmother was about 65y/o and healthy as can be; a spry, fit, healthy little lady who drove a car and worked 40hrs a week. All the sudden one day she had a stroke and died; the paramedics brought her back, but she didn't entirely "come back". She's been different since then, moody, depressing, angry. Seems like after the stroke, a myriad of additional problems followed; dementia/athzeimers, all kinds of blood issues, She's had several more strokes since then, she can't balance (needs a walker), needs help with showering and just about every facet of daily life. She's on at least a dozen meds. My mom became her legal guardian, and I can't even begin to explain what a PITA that is. My grandmother went from being a benefit to society, to a drain, overnight. She prided herself on being self-sufficient & I know it eats at her that other people have to take care of her. I can understand why she's depressed. She's in a nursing home, just waiting to die. I think my grandmother would have rather stayed dead after the first stroke. If I was her, I would; hence the DNR.

    I want to go out like my grandfather; quicky, only once, while doing something I love.
     
  6. Wendy

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    Mar 24, 2008
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    Reminds me of a joke in very poor taste.

    When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my Grand Dad.
    Not like the passengers in his car, who screamed all the way to the end.
     
    strantor likes this.
  7. loosewire

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    @Stantor, What is a DNR in 20 twenty words or less.
     
  8. thatoneguy

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    Not very well, I'm afraid.

    Though I'd rank divorce w/kids higher on the overall stress and life impact level.
     
  9. strantor

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    do not rescussitate order
     
  10. SgtWookie

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    Jul 17, 2007
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    DNR = Do Not Resuscitate

    I lost my Dad rather unexpectedly in February of 2009. They had found out just weeks before that he had stage 4 lung cancer, when nothing had shown up in his physical in November.

    Dad was always very methodical, and had both his and my Mom's final plans worked out years before in a revocable living trust. As everything they owned was in the trust, there was minimal paperwork to do and no probate to go through after his death; it was simply a matter of setting established plans into motion.

    I just received word from my spouse this evening that my father-in-law passed away. I have no idea how that will play out at the moment; it is too soon to tell.
     
  11. loosewire

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    @ Stantor, DNR ,To be legal it has to be on yellow paper,pinned
    to the patient. A DNR is a doctors order,can be torned up at any time if
    desired. It is not set in stone,as it sounds. @ Sarg , the lingering
    illness seems to be a thing of the passed,knew a lady that shopped
    every weekend within three weeks she had been thru hospice and gone.
    Her last treatment was the family, doctor, lawyer and morphine drip.
    Within three weeks they said she died in hospice.I have reporting that
    the new hospice is the new death committee.The more money you have
    that yours why waste it on you.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2011
  12. strantor

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    thanks for that bit of info; I didn't know that. Looked it up, and you're right. Basically useless. So, maybe I should tattoo it on my forehead with mine & my doctor's signature. or walk around all day every day with a 8.5X11" yellow card stapled to my shirt. Or maybe I should just do myself in real good when the time comes.
     
  13. loosewire

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    It says yellow legal paper,tatoo would not work,a doctors order.
    You could come out surgery and the doctor could tear up the DNR.
    The family and lawyer could influence his decision to leave it. A doctor
    has no reason to think of DNR unless asked.
     
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