Feeling depressed: Chances not taken

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by spinnaker, Feb 19, 2012.

  1. spinnaker

    Thread Starter AAC Fanatic!

    Oct 29, 2009
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    Feeling kind of down today. For some reason I can't get this woman I meet a year ago out of my mind.

    When it comes to women I am a chicken. I need to know a woman for a couple of days or so and establish a relationship, just to work up the courage of asking them out.

    All those stores about people meeting someone in a supermarket, that would never be me.

    My problem is that I just don't meet all very many eligible women on the first place.

    Got thinking today about a woman I met about a year ago on a volunteer project. She was beautiful. About 10 years younger than me but looked much younger than that.

    We worked together all day, she seemed like a very nice person, obviously community minded, went to church and seemed to really care about her mom ( her mom was at the volunteer event too, we all had lunch together at the event).

    When she left for the day, I said nothing. And then I was given another chance, she came back for a few rocks for her garden (we were building a playground and dug up tons of them) I said nothing. There was a voice inside be that keep yelling, "say something stupid". But I said nothing. I also had to wonder if she was really getting rocks or giving me a second chance but I will never know.

    Maybe I was intimidated by her beauty. Maybe it was the fact that she could not remember my name during the day, so I figured if she could not remember my name she was not interested anyway. And really never gave me any clues.

    What is depressing is not that I never had the chance to go out with her but I didn't even try. Had I asked and she turned me down, I would have known and just gone on with my life.

    So my advice to the younger guys. Don't be a chicken like me. If you see a young lady you would like to meet ask her out for lunch or a cup of coffee. The worst she can say is no. Believe me not knowing is far worse.

    If you take the first piece of advice then the best piece of advice I have is don't settle for second best when it comes time for marriage. I see so many friends that live miserable lives because when they got married they happened to be dating someone that wanted to get married and I guess they figured if they did not get married now they might never be married. When I see the life they have really feel lucky to have mine. What is worse then being lonely is being lonely with someone, and yes that is possible.
     
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  2. Georacer

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    [​IMG]
     
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  3. spinnaker

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    Not sure I understand entirely. I'm guessing this was to try to make me feel better that other people go through the same thing, go through all kinds of trouble to meet someone, then when it comes time they chicken out?

    If so thanks. :)

    And oh to be in Greece. From what we hear beautiful woman are everywhere. I'll bet you need to push beautiful women aside just be able to walk down the street! :)
     
  4. DerStrom8

    Well-Known Member

    Feb 20, 2011
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    spinnaker, I've always been the same way. I've never been a ladies man, and I've only had one actual girlfriend in the past, but that went down the tubes years ago. I let my fears of rejection or ridicule get in the way and it made me lose one of the most important opportunities of my life slip out of my grasp. I actually had almost a fear of girls right up until about 11th or 12th grade, and only then did I start coming out of my shell. I think that "fear" started when I was in about 4th or 5th grade (can't remember exactly...). I grew up with two older brothers who got a kick out of picking on me (one of them in particular). They would tease me about girls in my class and I guess I kind of trained myself to stay away from them. That was a huge mistake and I have regretted it for years. Once I left home, I didn't need to worry about my brothers as much, so I became a little more outgoing, but a bit of that fear lingered, and I was never really good with women. I guess the hard part is finding a woman who can put up with a guy like me. I'm really picky, and it's something I need to work on. My problem is that I don't get out to meet people much. I agree with you Spinnaker. Don't be shy, and don't be afraid of being rejected. You'll never know for sure until you try. Ask her out for coffee, or maybe for a pizza. Get yourself out there, and most importantly, don't worry about what others will think of you.

    Well that's my piece. Spinnaker, do you have a way of contacting this woman you met? Perhaps you can look her up on google. You might find a facebook page, or an email address. Take it easy though--don't make it look like you're stalking her :D

    Good luck to you, my friend.
    Regards,
    Der Strom
     
  5. Georacer

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    Nov 25, 2009
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    I 'm sure the project direction has her contact details, if you gave yours too.

    About pushing the women to make it to your door, wasn't that in Spain? Or was it in Sweden. Truth be told, Swedish girls are much thinner that Greek ones in general. Although I think more unstable emotionally.
    I doesn't have to do with the country. Although I think Asian girls won't never fit my tastes.

    The comic was a representation of a trivial encounter that we all have lived at least once, I believe. Two people that meet under exceptional circumstances but don't take the trouble to get to know each other.
    It happens. It's bad - in general.
     
  6. loosewire

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    Very deep..............
     
  7. spinnaker

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    To GeoRacer and Derstrorm,

    First thanks for the words of support. Yes I thought of contacting her through the organization that arranged the event. But I decided against it first I did not think it was appropriate and seemed to stalker like. But I doubt they would have any record of her anyway.

    The company organizes the playground build and contacts companies wanting to sponsor the event. It is those companies that sponsored solicit for volunteers. She told me early on were she worked but all I could remember it was a food service company in Penn Hill s and all I had was her first name anyway.

    I don't want to make it appear that I am pining for this particular woman.
    Chances are she would have said no anyway since she gave no real indication she was interested. It is just all of the chances I have let go by that bothers me.

    @Derstrom,

    I never really had a problem with talking to women. Now I can't walk up to a stranger and talk to her but if something happens and I have an excuse to talk then I have no problem. I always did great with the girls in high school. I was always very friendly with all of the cheerleaders, the ones no one liked because they were so stuck up.

    @Georacer

    I don't know most of the greek women I have meet were gorgeous. But you live there so you should know. Being over weight is an issue I have with women here. I am very fit, probably in better physical condition then many American men half my age. I don't ever have many women that chase me but it always seems to be the ones that are overweight. Either that or the wacky ones. :)

    I often wonder what my life would have been like had I been married Other than not having someone, I really enjoy my life. I have sailed several areas in the Caribbean multiple times, sailed on the U.S. west coast, sail the Chesapeake Bay at least once a year. Have bicycled toured in Europe, the west coast of California, Canada and a few other places. At my income, and with a family I doubt I would be able to do any of that. I know my married co-workers don't they just can't afford it. Plus most of my interested came about from being single. I know if I were married I would not be able to spend the time with my electronics hobby that I do. I don't know how the married guys get away with it. :)
     
  8. GetDeviceInfo

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    Jun 7, 2009
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    couple of things I've learnt over the years;

    birds of a feather flock together. If your painfully shy, your typical gf will be very shy. If you both don't have the courage to speak to each other, well you get the picture. You need to speak up.

    It's a numbers game. Put simply, the more women you know, the more your gonna get laid. A friend of a friend of a friend. Who knows, but you gotta start sometime.

    Women are the initiators. Boys love to brag, but when a girl gets the urge, that's when things happen. Watch a women's body language to see where she's at in her cycle. Many withdraw and avoid during thier down part, but spring to life at ovulation. If she thinks of you during that period, well just make sure she has your phone number.

    Treat a women with dignity and respect. Don't be macho or phoney, be yourself, cause they'll eventually find out, and a fake is history.

    Learn to dance. If there's anything that works better, it's basic dance skills. My suggestion is West Coast Swing.

    Don't complement a women about her looks, complement her about her skills. A beautifully fashioned women doesn't look good (lie), she has oustanding fashion sense.

    Try using some of your other senses than just sight when your around women. It's iritating to most to be googled at. Listen to thier voices and other audiable clues as to thier emotional state. Be interested in what thier opinions are on matters, as they offer a unique perspective that could advance your skills.

    During my late twenties, my first wife and I ran into trouble and we ended up divorcing. We were simply too young and didn't have any conflict management skills. Following that I went through a period of 'social awakening' as it were. One thing I did was to learn a new word every month. Straight out of the dictionary, understand it, pronounce it, use it. The other thing was to introduce myself where applicable. A chance aquiantance goes a long way on a basic introduction. You don't need to be polished or notable, just a handshake and a name exchange, as a matter of curtiousy.
     
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  9. magnet18

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    Dec 22, 2010
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    Yea, I've noticed that even from getting a girlfriend (somehow :confused:) I have less time to do things like think of ways to fuse atoms and make liquid oxygen and stuff. Instead I've been seeing the gf most nights a week.
    That DOES have advantages ;), but I kinda miss being able to spend all the time I want on my crazy projects


    Yea, unless you're a movie star, odds are the ones chasing you aren't the ones you want ;)
     
  10. loosewire

    AAC Fanatic!

    Apr 25, 2008
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    No gals online coming to your rescue,don't know how many we have.

    Counting guest and all @ Georacer,if you saw a certain some ones picture

    you would change your mind. One of the guys may have a copy to put on

    your pm. Let me know by pm.
     
  11. spinnaker

    Thread Starter AAC Fanatic!

    Oct 29, 2009
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    Well that is no mystery. You are magnet after all, she could not help but be attracted to you. :)

    But just watch that stuff it will rot your brain. :) Didn't you ever see that episode of Sienfield when George had to give up sex? He became a genius. :)
     
  12. Sparky49

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    Jul 16, 2011
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    Lots of fish in the deep sea...
     
  13. Brownout

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    Jan 10, 2012
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    I never got along well with women.
    Come to think of it, I don't get along well with anyone.
     
  14. spinnaker

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    You need to come to my end of the ocean. Been fished out long ago. :)
     
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  15. MrChips

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    Oct 2, 2009
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    This is fun to read. Without generalizing too much, it is safe to say that there are some common personality traits of those who hang out at AAC, especially those who spend a lot of hours here - shy, introverts, uncomfortable in a crowd, especially with the opposite sex, geeks, nerds, perhaps brilliant, inventors, innovators, determined, focused, patient, and as my wife says, with poor social skills.

    To all you single guys looking for a soul mate, beauty is only skin deep. I was extremely shy growing up as a teenager and into adult life. I was also very cautious with whom I dated and ended up getting married at an older age. It took me a very long time to come out of my shell. But as spinnaker has learnt, you both could be shy and someone has to make that first move. You have to overcome that fear of rejection, step outside of your comfort zone and go for it.

    I was happy and comfortable being single, but yes, lonely. When you find the right person that truly understands you and appreciates you for what you are, your hobbies and interests should not become a barrier to a healthy relationship. In the end, I am a very lucky guy to be married to a beautiful and caring woman.
     
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  16. Georacer

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    Nov 25, 2009
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    Years of internet surfing has smoothed my reactions to online pictures. Are there Asian beautiful girls? For certain. But would I judge the whole populace by its exceptions? Don't think so.

    On the other hand, Colombian and Brazilian girls have a better average, I think. Swedish girls were fine too, for the short time that I visited Sweden.
    Greek girls can be very attractive if they want to, I 'll admit that. But you have to frequent the right places too. Of course, I hope you don't mix beautiful for pleasant.

    As a side note, I find the combination of Asian-African origin very attractive.
     
  17. spinnaker

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    And that is the key. It is my opinion that there would be a heck of a lot more single people everyone married the person that was right for them. I just see so many of the people I know that are married but miserable. They married because someone happened to be there at the time and they both felt if they don't get married now it may never happen.

    My biggest concern is about getting old. I have no one to watch out for me. My parents are elderly and thankfully in very good health but should the need occur, you can bet I will make sure they have the best of care. I can only hope that I maintain my mental faculties up to my death. As long as you have your mind and be able to dial a phone, you can make sure your needs are met in a proper manner.
     
  18. loosewire

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    Apr 25, 2008
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    Guys,Loosewire is a problem solver....you guys need to go a dating site and

    report back on your progress.Tell the truth on the site and see what it gets

    you.The truth will set you free. Try a sample ad on the forum,maybe your

    answer may be on the forum.
     
  19. t06afre

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    May 11, 2009
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    I find very pale, somewhat drunk and slighty overweight english girls that have been roasting in the sun for some day in some holiday resort very....Oh well never mind I might go offtopic here :rolleyes:
     
  20. Wendy

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    Mar 24, 2008
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    Make the effort though. I didn't, it is a major regret. Even online dating sites are better than nothing.
     
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