Once upon a time, I considered a Baker Act for my mother. I knew who her shrink was and went to ask if I had a moral obligation to have her committed. The shrink told me that my mother had never mentioned any of these, "issues" to her.

WTF? She's packing a pistol and telling people she is in fear for her life, and this isn't important enough to mention to her shrink?

That was the moment when I realized that my mother was not insane, that she knew exactly what she was doing, and that she was simply an evil person. I don't expect this applies to your mother, but I would suggest that incarcerating her against her will can not cause a good result. The above story is merely a testimony to the fact that I have spent good and valuable time considering this possibility. I was looking into the face of, "Threat to do bodily harm to herself or others" and it was all an act. I would not have figured this out without a professional advising me. I expect it is just as difficult for you to know for sure what is wrong and what to do about it.

A quote from one of my friends: "He has his crisis du jour, but it's not MY crisis du jour".
"He" gave himself a heart attack and is now dead. My friend, who decided not to go on that ride, is alive and well.

 

Unfortunately no way in hell is my wife going to get her back fixed being her back hurts or her head hurts are two of the top three excuse for not doing anything or not doing anything for very long.

My point is if you fix too many things in a person's life they will run out of excuses and have to accept they are not what they perceive themselves as and thats a pain/reality some people simply can not live with apparently.

Excellent point. My mind has been off on that tangent a few times before but I never brought it into consideration as being the root cause. It could very well be.

 

Once upon a time, I considered a Baker Act for my mother. I knew who her shrink was and went to ask if I had a moral obligation to have her committed. The shrink told me that my mother had never mentioned any of these, "issues" to her.

WTF? She's packing a pistol and telling people she is in fear for her life, and this isn't important enough to mention to her shrink?

That was the moment when I realized that my mother was not insane, that she knew exactly what she was doing, and that she was simply an evil person. I don't expect this applies to your mother, but I would suggest that incarcerating her against her will can not cause a good result. The above story is merely a testimony to the fact that I have spent good and valuable time considering this possibility. I was looking into the face of, "Threat to do bodily harm to herself or others" and it was all an act. I would not have figured this out without a professional advising me. I expect it is just as difficult for you to know for sure what is wrong and what to do about it.

A quote from one of my friends: "He has his crisis du jour, but it's not MY crisis du jour".
"He" gave himself a heart attack and is now dead. My friend, who decided not to go on that ride, is alive and well.

#12 I know you've been there and done that, and we've talked about it before. But I think your experiences were on a whole 'nother level. I am having trouble relating to 100% of what you're saying. I don't think I'm ready to label my mom an "evil person" just yet. I think she's troubled and sad (I use the word "sad", because I've shed all notions of what I think "depressed" means) and self-important. I think she acts in self interest without regard for others, but I don't think she acts with intent to harm others for self gratification, which is what I would consider "evil." I am empathetic to your experiences and I can't imagine what you've seen and heard. I don't want to imagine it. I don't want to take my mind in that direction and end up projecting it on her. I have enough reasons to be pissed off, without making up new ones.

 

Excellent point. My mind has been off on that tangent a few times before but I never brought it into consideration as being the root cause. It could very well be.

Agree 100%.

Another old lesson: A woman who believes she is a victim will be victimized by whatever man she is with, whether he knows about it or not.

The moral of this story is what TCM said. Trying to change the self image of another person is a monumental, if not impossible, task. Their self image is integral to who they are.

 

I don't expect this applies to your mother, but I would suggest that incarcerating her against her will can not cause a good result. I would not have figured this out without a professional advising me. I expect it is just as difficult for you to know for sure what is wrong and what to do about it.

I shortened that up to the important part.

 

Proper psychological/psychiatric help is a wonderful thing!

A little over a year ago my wife decided that I was at fault for everything wrong in her life and our marriage so we should go and see a marriage counselor. I was sick of things so I not only agreed I went and found us one and a woman about my wifes age at that. (Purposely stacked the deck against my self pretty hard just to make a point to my wife it was not likely all me.)

Anyway we go and I tell my side first then she does hers. End diagnosis was all though I am headstrong and a bit cocky I have above average stress management skills and ability to relate and sympathize with others over a surprisingly wide range. I have a very mild temper and know how to step back and reason out whether I am the source of a problem or not when life gets rough.
End statement from the counselor was that I really have no further reasons to see her with my wife unless I want too.

Now my wife on the other hand came across as having severe control issues, obvious health concerns that need to be looked at by practicing professionals and an overall view of herself and her abilities that is way out of proportion to who and what she really is at that point in her life. The counselors strong suggestion to her was that she would like to see my wife twice a week for some time to work through her problems.

Marriage counseling has never been spoken about by my wife since.

 

my wife decided that I was at fault for everything wrong in her life and our marriage

I have seen this so many times that I thought it was an inevitable symptom of being female. I call it Chronic Dissatisfaction. Apparently it is always caused by the last man she was with and the only cure is to change partners.

I'd put a smiley on that, but I'm not sure whether it's a joke.

 

One of our more outrageous yet funny afterwards confrontations came around about 2 years ago.

According to my wife she is smarter and more skilled than I am by a long shot because she is very very good with CAD software and similar stuff. (Darn near useless everywhere else by personal example unfortunately which I will get to later). Anyway I commented on my doubts being there is very little of anything I will not try and learn if I find a need to do so. She however is solidly set in the concept of 'I don't want too and I can't' being the same.
So given that I challenged her to prove that she is smarter than me so I picked out that we will do a random online IQ test and I would give her a 20 point spread and call it the same she felt that being english is her second language and what not. (Speaks and understands perfectly when she wants but thats not the point.)

Well we do the tests, me with her chattering and the TV on the whole time and I still pull a mid 100 teens score. Now she does hers, me silent TV off and no distractions whatsoever, and she scores a 90 and is quite proud of that until I point out that a 90 is about the bottom end of being able function acceptably in society. (which to be honest well..... she does have have days where......)
Right from there I get my butt chewed for not helping her on her IQ test being she skipped the whole math part figuring it was not relevant which I was all too happy to point out that math is a universal language so there was no reason that I would have had to translate it for her but thats not the point?

FWIW I can do CAD drawing and did very well in it in my college days some 12+ years ago. I however can not presently do it with her speed and fluidity but that in itself does not mean I cant do it or that I will not learn to do it if it ever becomes necessary.
She on the other had has yet to ever try doing something like turning the seat around on the backhoe tractor and tried to learn how to drive it. She will dig holes with the best of them but be damned if she will drive the actual machine anywhere to get to where the actual digging needs done but then again cant and dont want to are the same in her mind and so since she doesn't want to she just as well can't drive the tractor side of it.

As for me well I am the one who turned a old farm tractor into a very reliable backhoe loader so you can probably guess where my views on learning to do stuff and actual trying sit.

 

we will do a random online IQ test

she scores a 90

Right from there I get my butt chewed for not helping her on her IQ test

That's all I need to know.